The One That Got Away (Pt. 3)

It was brought to my attention that leaving you all hanging, after part two, was disrespectful! I hope you all can accept my apology and know that I only did that to add suspense. I figured a dramatic ending would bring the story texture, haha. But let’s get into this tea time…

(For confidentiality, all names are fictional.)

A few days after I ran into Mr. James (as mentioned in part two), we went to get some tea. I took him to my favorite cafe and introduced him to the best tea in town! Tea not only is a universal beverage, but it’s also a universal language… Both of which I was ready to enjoy that day!

I can’t even lie, I was a little shocked he actually showed up, only because he’s so busy. But, seeing that he made the time, gave me the courage to be transparent with him about my mistakes. It was now or never!

After we ordered our drinks and food (which he paid for), we sat down at a cute “two person” table. He ordered this dessert for us to share and of course I was melting inside. Mr. James has always been thoughtful, kind and gentle. He’s always had the qualities I desired in a man, I just couldn’t acknowledge that in the beginning of our connection. But, the time had finally come to acknowledge it all!

I was so nervous to share my heart and he reassured me everything would be ok. So I started things off by apologizing for how I treated him and then explained why I, initially, pushed him away. As hard as it was for me to be open about my past hurts, it was also freeing to release that pain. Come to find out, Mr. James had a similar experience with an ex, in helping her through some emotional hurts. Thus, he understood my heart and respected my process in healing. In that moment, I felt more stupid for not saying anything because I only pushed him away thinking he wouldn’t understand what I was going through (at the time) or how to be there for me. But it appears he would have…

Once I got over my few seconds of even more regret, I allowed Mr. James to share what was on his heart. And boy, was I shocked! It’s true when they say men are from mars and women are from venus.

Wait for it…

Mr. James thought I initially pulled back from him because I didn’t want to progress things with him. He then thought I stopped liking him and wanted nothing to do with him and friends/family. All of which he took personally and lowkey resented me for, a little. According to him, he would see my friends year after year, but would never see me, and always wondered what he did wrong. Talk about a come to Jesus moment! There were a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions that needed to be cleared up. And we did just that! We cleared the air, indeed. 

The reality was, I wanted EVERYTHING to do with Mr. James. I stopped coming around because of shame and embarrassment. I initially pulled back from him out of fear he would hurt me. Yet, all he wanted to do was be there for me and care for me. 

I’d say this was the start of turning a new leaf! Well, so I hoped. 

To be continued…


The One That Got Away (Pt. 2)

Ever had someone come into your life, more than once? I’m sure you have. Some classify this as the “right person at the wrong time!” Well, Mr. James is that person for me.

(For confidentiality, all names are fictional.)

If it’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that timing is indeed everything. With the right timing, true love can be inseparable and life changing. However, if the timing is off, love can’t manifest explosively. And with Mr. James… Our timing has sort of been all over the place, over the years.

After we decided to end things and strictly be friends (mentioned in part one), we actually kept hanging out. It was slightly weird because there was an unspoken connection, lingering between us, every time we were around each other. Not to mention, his friends and my friends became well acquainted with one another and we all enjoyed each other’s company. And of course, our families were thrown into the mix, which made things even more awkward. I can’t speak for him, but for me, my feelings were growing stronger. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could just “be friends!”

Then one day, I decided to pull back AGAIN. I know I know, I was digging a deeper hole for myself, as you can push someone away only so many times. But, I was going crazy being around him, knowing I messed up the first time around, while constantly regretting my choices. To this day, pushing him away is the only thing I regret in life. Truthfully, letting my past hurts win (back then), still sting. So I told myself that if he and I were to reconnect again, I would open up to him. And as The Lord would have it, Mr. James came full circle, out of nowhere!

It was years after we’d first met. Like I said earlier, over time our circle of friends blended very well together. His best friend invited me to a brand launching, wanting my assistance on a specific project. The only reason why I agreed to attend was because my friends told me Mr. James was out of town. Up to this point, I hadn’t seen him in two years and figured the coast would be clear, for this event.

I showed up with my friend and saw a lot of familiar faces. In fact, I caught up with Mr. James’ sister for a long time and laughed most of the evening with her. About 90 minutes into the event, there was still no sign of Mr. James, so I figured my friends were telling the truth and I decided to engage with some cute guys.

After connecting with different people, I noticed a guy not too far from me. He was gorgeous and he had on Timbs, yes I’m a sucker for Timberlands! I ran to my friend and pointed him out to her! Nevertheless, I was in a really good mood that night. And then Mr. James walked in…

I saw him out of my peripheral and instantly froze. Obviously, I did not (mentally) prepare myself to see him and wanted to scream. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice me and that I could somehow blend in with the crowd. Thus, I moved to a small corner.

He hadn’t changed a bit, to be honest. He was still upbeat, energetic and stylish, as he TOO wore Timbs! It was seriously bringing back deja vu to when we first met.

Mr. James increased the temperature in the room not only for me, but for quite a few women. I remember one lady running up to him and smiling way too hard in his face. I felt my blood boiling, but I didn’t want to show my anger. So, I remained on the other side of the room with my friend, making small glances to see what he was doing. Of course, the final time I decided to look in his direction, our eyes locked with each other. My anger immediately turned into anxiety because I wasn’t sure what would happen next…

Wait for it…

The minute he saw me, he excused himself from that thirsty chick and walked right over to me. Even sharing this part of the story makes me tear up, still. It was in that moment when I knew God was granting me an opportunity to open up to Mr. James much sooner than I had planned. Things indeed came full circle. The way he walked over to me and hugged me was priceless. I could tell that he missed me. Most importantly, I could tell that I missed him. 

We tried to catch up for as long as we could and decided to get tea, a few days later, to really talk. When I told the rest of my friends and my mother about that night, they all screamed. Everyone was (and still is) #teamjames. Tea couldn’t come fast enough!

To be continued…


The Karaoke King (Pt. 1)

Do you and your friends do this: Dress up and purposely look cute, only to sing karaoke? I wasn’t sure if it was just us, but we tend to do this a lot. Karaoke is the one time we can sing through our frustrations, go crazy, and not be judged by how ridiculous we look. It’s a win/win indeed. But it was a few years ago when karaoke was the ultimate win for me!

It was a weekend night and per usual, the girls and I decided to blow off some steam (karaoke style). We were regulars by this point and knew almost everyone who showed up. Except, this particular evening someone new showed up.

That night, I was wearing all black with gold jewelry and minimal makeup. I also wore a hat to stay under the radar because I wasn’t in the mood to stand out that night. In fact, I wasn’t even going to sing, but my friends convinced me to do one song. Even though everyone was watching me, it felt like someone was burning a hole on my face, staring…

It was almost “last call” when some new guy got on stage to sing. He was average height, nice build and had a cute smile. Not to mention, he had a beautiful voice! This guy made the rest of us look bad, indeed! I remember calling him “The Karaoke King,”as it was a great performance to end the night. He was phenomenal!

However, it was what he did during the performance that shocked us all. I should’ve mentioned earlier that this particular karaoke spot was a live karaoke bar! You can imagine how serious people took their performances with having a live band playing behind them. This guy being one of them. He was definitely giving concert vibes!

About halfway into his song, he stopped singing and told the band to keep playing. He then told the audience he wanted to bring someone on stage to sing to. All of the women screamed and raised their hands to be chosen. My girls and I stayed in the corner and watched from afar. I actually thought it was pretty funny to see so many women fondle over this guy and crave for his attention. But what was even funnier was the girl he chose to sing to was me!

Like I said, I was purposely low key that evening and stayed in the corner to NOT draw attention to myself. So why did he have to pick me? I remember being frozen for a few seconds when he came over to me and walked me on stage. And guess what happened next? He really sang the rest of the song to me! I was embarrassed, mortified, captivated, and moved all at the same time. When the song ended he hugged me and kissed my hand. I thanked him and flew off the stage. My friends went crazy and I went straight for the door!

Before I could open the door, he stopped me and grabbed my hand. He held on to it for what seemed like hours, but it was more like 5 minutes.

Fun fact: He was the first guy to show me that if a man wants something he will stop at nothing to get it. His persistence got to me, so I caved in and gave him my number. By the time I reached my car, I knew this guy would be different!


Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Much

Have you ever met someone, to only discover you can’t judge a book by its cover? Well, this story is just that… Except I don’t think you’ll expect to read what’s all on these pages!

It was around New Years (a few years back) and you know what they say, “The person you bring in the New Year with is the one you’ll spend that year with.” Well forgive me for actually thinking he and I would last the entire year! I’m a hopeless romantic…

I met this guy at a small dinner and seriously couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. He was 6’4” with beautiful skin and smelled so good. I’m pretty sure my knees gave out when he introduced himself to me. He had this sharp suit on, but carried himself with “so much swag,” as Beyonce would say. I don’t think I’d ever seen someone so beautiful, at the time.

To be honest, what drew me to him the most was his demeanor that night. Like I said, his swag and carriage was on point. My friends always get on me because I typically go for guys who are more rough, simply because they have the most swag. Sorry not sorry! But this time around they were shocked because this guy was very classic with a dose of swag.

Throughout the months, he was the perfect gentleman. He would pick me up and take me out, quite a bit. He would open my door and close it. He paid for everything and showered me with so much chivalry. And did I mention he could play basketball (he is 6’4”). But most importantly, HE COULD DANCE (AHHH)! I was definitely loving the cover AND the first few chapters of his book.

As soon as I started anticipating the climax of his story, boy was I caught off guard. Everything was going so well until it wasn’t anymore. Our relationship randomly shifted, and it was becoming one thing after another.

Wait for it!

First, I met his family. His parents were very nice. However, he was different. In fact, he was VERY different around them. It was almost like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was in front of me. I mean his demeanor changed, his speech changed, and everything from his clothing down to his NAME changed. Not to mention, his mother kept calling me “Tiffany” (which is not my name, by the way)! It was all weird.

Then, a few days after that incident, I received a random message from his EX GIRLFRIEND! Yup, you read it correctly, his ex girlfriend. I don’t even think there’s enough room on this page to share HALF of how that turned out. It was all just unfolding terribly. At the time, I couldn’t even tell you what was worse: The fake persona or the hurting ex. Both were intense.

The final straw was him telling me he didn’t know how to be with me. Somehow, over the course of some months (while we were dating) he knew how to be with me. But after everything came into the light, I “was different.” I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the one who changed, but we moved on from him quickly.

To be honest, I still have no words for him…


We Can’t Be Friends…

I can’t believe we’re already on our third story! I hope you all are enjoying what you’ve read so far. There’s definitely more to come!

(For confidentiality, all names are fictional.)

You remember your first love? You know, the one who came after your “puppy-love” phase? That was Mr. X for me. I’d say he was my first love. He triggered a lot of emotions and possibilities I never knew existed, until he came along.

He was older, sophisticated, and fiery. He was the total opposite of my ex, a.k.a my “puppy-love ex.” This guy had passion and confidence, not insecurity and arrogance!

He came into my job while I was having a bad afternoon, that particular day. I remember my coworker pointing him out to me and mentioning she’s seen him before. At first glance he seemed put together and in great shape, but that was really it for me. Twenty minutes later he approached my desk with the most beautiful smile and introduced himself to me. The moment I shook his hand and looked into his eyes, I knew he would be different. We ended up talking for a good while when I eventually gave him my number. As I watched him leave, my coworker screamed with excitement. I think she was more enraptured by him, than I was!

Fast forward to a few months later. By this point, Mr. X and I had become very good friends. I would see him every week and we spent a lot of time together. I was in school, so we had to work around my schedule. But we made it work. He was a true gentleman with so much class, and I admired that about him. I even experienced my first “fine dining” outing with him, and I loved it! I loved him.

So I bet you’re wondering where did things go wrong? Well here’s where it all shifted. Wait for it…

My school offered me an opportunity to move across the country and expand on my education. It was the chance of a lifetime and I couldn’t let it slip away, so I accepted the offer. The night that I told Mr. X of my future plans, is the night I saw another side to him.

I thought he would be supportive and happy for me. Instead he was downcast and negative. He actually thought it was a bad idea and said my education would suffer terribly. Of course, I was shocked by his response. I even remember thinking to myself he’s had his chance at growth and was well into his career, so why shouldn’t I have the same! But seeing that I was sold on moving, he backed off and we continued dating. Things were a little awkward, but we tried to push through.

After I had moved, I traveled back and forth to spend time with him. We spent that Christmas together and it was amazing. So it was to my complete surprise that a few months later he would be ending things, by telling me we could no longer be friends! I was heartbroken. I really thought he and I would take things more seriously when I finished school, but I guess he had other plans in mind.

Guess I was wrong!

The irony of it all is he eventually found someone else (long term), then became single again, and I never once regretted my decision to move! In fact, I grew well into my career because of it! A few years later, he and I randomly reconnected and became friends again. But strictly friends. Now, he’s dating an acquaintance of mine and there’s no awkwardness between any of us whatsoever.

I guess when you mature, you can let go of certain things and accept the past for what it was… The past!


Are You Gonna Eat That?

It was spring of 2019. After sulking over a guy, for a few days, my friends somehow convinced me to go on a date. Since it was set up to take my mind off of the recent heartbreak I had encountered, I had no expectations going in to this. Although, something didn’t feel right the day of…

There I was, at a live music brunch, sipping a mimosa while WAITING for my date to arrive. Thirty minutes pass, forty, forty-five minutes and still no date. Luckily the live band was playing some good music so at least I had something to enjoy during the wait. 

Almost an hour passed by when my date finally arrived. He knew he had to make it up to me so I made him dance with me for as long as I pleased! The weather was perfect, the music was perfect and the vibes were perfect. Not to mention, he could really dance. By the end of the brunch, we danced so much that we were starving. He suggested we see a movie and get some food. (I should add that going to the movies is another pastime I love, next to dancing!) This date was beginning to make a complete 180.

We arrived at the theater and decided to watch a Disney movie; so cute! After we got our tickets, we ordered a lot of food because we were pretty hungry. Now anyone who knows me knows that every time I see a movie I always order the pretzel bites with nacho cheese. In fact, he even knew this because I mentioned it to him right before we ordered. 

That night, I ordered my pretzel bites with cheese, a hot dog, and a medium Vanilla Orange HI-C (with light ice). He ordered a pizza, a hot dog, nachos, and a large sprite. We agreed to share a medium popcorn together and sour patches.

About halfway into the movie, I noticed that most of the popcorn was gone (I only had a scoop by that point). I also noticed that he had finished all of his food. Like I said earlier, we danced for a very long time so it made sense that he devoured his food. However, what didn’t make sense was what happened next.

I was eating my pretzel bites when I felt his hand knock my hand out of the way and grab my tray. He then proceeded to eat my pretzel bites one by one, dipping them into my cheese. Thank the Lord I never double dip, but still… That was very nasty and extremely disrespectful. Eventually, he turned to me and said, “I’m sorry, are you gonna eat that?” I’m unsure if shock or frustration overcame me first, but my mood had indeed changed. When he tried to offer them back to me I sharply declined and focused on the movie for the rest of the evening. He obviously had no awareness of my space or of my food. Yep, I was heated! And I should’ve known that this date would end worse than how it started.

As soon as the movie ended I thanked him for the dancing and jolted to my car. Looking back on the date now, I really think my frustration stemmed from not feeling considered by him. It was less about him being late or eating my food, and more about him not considering my time or my feelings because of his actions. I try to be considerate towards others and simply ask for the same in return. 

It’s safe to say that he and I haven’t been on a date (together) since!

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The One That Got Away (Pt. 1)

When I think of dating, the first word that comes to mind is… “COMPLICATED!” I’m not sure if you can relate, but over the years I’ve had little to no success in achieving my “Happily Ever After with Prince Charming!” I’ve “dated” (and I use that term very loosely) some interesting guys over the years and I’d say only 1% of them are still around.

Which brings me to why I’m starting this blog. Of course, I want to share my journey in dating, but I also want to publicly share with the single women in this world that I, too, feel your pain!! My philosophy is: Never settle and ride the wave! That is exactly what I’m doing, not settling as I ride the wave of fairytale love to my true prince. So it only makes it appropriate to start with my 1%, a.k.a. the only guy who’s somewhat still in the picture. You’ll see our story unfold quite a bit throughout this series!

(For confidentiality, all names are fictional.)

I can always remember this day as if it were yesterday. I had just graduated college and decided to attend a party to “go out with a bang.” It was that night I met the man, who almost 10 years later still makes me smile, Mr. James. I still laugh at how smooth he tried to be when he sat next to me, but I guess it worked.

I remember spotting him dancing and thinking to myself, “Oh this one is crazy!” He and his friends were being pretty loud and obnoxious, while on the dance floor. About halfway into the evening I decided to sit down and relax a little. Not too long after my sitting, Mr. James quietly sat next to me, casually starting a conversation between us. A conversation that lasted the rest of the night, and anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE a great conversation! 

We talked about it all, childhood, interests, hobbies, sports, careers, the future, etc… To my surprise, he and I were from the same state and grew up an hour away from each other. We also agreed that Celine Dion was one of the greatest vocalists of our time (next to Whitney of course). It was as if destiny had brought us together! Destiny and purpose! 

It started getting late so I decided to head home and I almost left the party without getting his number. And as you guessed, Mr. James was on it! He met me at the front door and asked me for my number, then he hugged me goodnight. I wasn’t expecting him to text me for a few days, so it was to my complete surprise when he sent me a message the very next day. He initiated our first date and came to see me within that first week of meeting, and the rest is history. 

That particular summer was special and magical in many ways. I was starting a new job (putting my degree to use right away) and I was dating the most down to earth, kind hearted and fun guy. Not to mention, my family and friends absolutely loved him (they still do). He and I did so much together that summer! We went to the beach, we went salsa dancing, we went bowling, horseback riding, laser tag, and more that I didn’t want it to end. But as they say, “All good things must come to an end.”

wait for it…

In the midst of me growing closer to Mr. James, about a few months in I received some tragic news from my family. Instead of me sharing it with Mr. James right away, I decided to hold it in and not process the mixture of emotions. He could sense that something was off, and he never pushed me to open up. He was so gentle with me as he delicately cared for my heart. (I still tear up thinking about it.) Me, on the other hand, I was starting to become cold and distant because I was so afraid of letting him in. Thus, I pushed him away. Then one day, we both agreed to be friends, only! I remember feeling crushed inside because I knew that Mr. James would be the one that got away.

ladies, learn from my mistake & don’t hold back!

To be continued…

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